| June 26,
2008... Blitz Video
Tweaks |
I've got big changes planned for The Gameroom Blitz's video
content. It might be a while before everything is
ready to go, but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with
the new format. Rather than a random jumble of reviews,
features, and comedy, all of these elements will be
brought together in a structured bi-weekly series.
I'm also planning to review more recent games; not necessarily
the latest releases, but newer titles for systems like the
Playstation 2, Nintendo DS, and the Wii. It'll be a fun
experiment, and I hope you'll be along for the ride.
Before I go, I'd like to direct your attention to the
latest Awesome
NES update. Kirby's Adventure is the
main entree, followed by a light Kiwi Kraze salad, a finely
aged King's Quest V wine, and the excessively bitter King's
Knight as an aperitif. Be sure to stick around for the
second course, which will be served later in the day.
| June 19,
2008... Cable Withdrawl (also, Dark
Cloud 3) |
If you'll forgive the cliche, you just don't know what
you've got 'till it's gone. After enjoying a full
spectrum of cable channels over the past three years, I lost
all but a handful of them today. That's right, no more
MSNBC, no more Cartoon Network, no more Toon Disney, and no
more... wait, those were the only three channels I watched
regularly!
Nevertheless, I'm going through some serious withdrawl
right now. I'm using the TVUPlayer in an attempt to calm
those raging cravings, but despite a wide assortment of
channels, it just isn't getting the job done.
I've got the Viacom networks, and I've got access
to dozens of stations spanning the globe, but
I've still got a Chowder-shaped hole in my heart that
none of these channels can fill. Damn this cursed
unemployment! If I only had a steady job, I would
claim all that was mine and more!
Anyway. There's some pretty exciting news for
Playstation 3 owners. Word on the street is that unsung
game developer Level 5 is working on the third Dark Cloud
game. Good thing they waited five years... that's how
long it took for most gamers to finish the last one!
Also, as you probably expected, Awesome
NES has been updated. This time,
we're straddling the Js and Ks with a lone review of Jurassic
Park on the J side, and reviews of Karate Champ, Karate Kid,
and Kickmaster on the K side. Sense a theme? Uh,
no you don't. It's just a coincidence.
| June 16,
2008... It's Gold, Jerry! GOLD!
(also, Xbox Live avatars) |
Another hot font is coming your way!
This time, it's Alpha Gold, based on the typeset used in
some CPS2 fighting games. This one looks really good in
Windows Movie Maker, and I imagine that it'd be
right at home in MUGEN, too. I'm going to keep cranking
these out until the evaluation period for
FontCreator expires, so if you've got any suggestions for
video game fonts that haven't already been done by someone
else, leave me a note in the forum.
There's also a new Awesome NES page packed with
sports celebrities (Jimmy and Jordan and John, oh my!) and a
YouTube video that's markedly different from anything I've
done in the past. Get it while you can, folks... knowing
the megalomaniacal jerk who owns Viacom, it probably won't be
there for long!
All right, onto video game news. There's a report on
Joystiq that Microsoft is planning to retire its old-fashioned
Xbox Live gamer pics and replace them with avatars, which
all bear an uncanny resemblence to the super-deformed duffers
in Hot Shots Golf (well, they're always duffers whenever
I play that game...).
It's pretty obvious that Nintendo's own
personalized characters motivated this change, but with
the Xbox 360 fast approaching its third birthday and
expectations for the Xbox Live service already cemented in the
minds of gamers, will it even matter? Some critics even
feel that there will be a backlash from the more mature Xbox
360 user base, who will resent being represented with childish
personas.
It's all starting to feel like the New Coke debacle from
1984, when the Coca-Cola Company messed with success by
changing the formula of its flagship product. Although
focus testing suggested that New Coke would be a smash hit,
consumers were furious that the Coca-Cola Company turned
its back on tradition, and rebelled by boycotting the new
product while hording cases of the old one.
It's even worse in this case because there's no way to
hold onto the gamer pics you've purchased once Microsoft
purges them from Xbox Live.
Just a word of advice, Microsoft... reconsider. The
Xbox 360 is in a precarious position already, sandwiched
between the Wii and Playstation 3 in sales. A sudden and
extreme change to the universally loved Xbox Live
service could upset that delicate balance and put the
Xbox 360 dead last in the console wars. You've
already been given a lot of undeserved breaks
from your fans, who have stuck by the Xbox 360 even when
their systems have broken multiple times. Don't
press your luck.
| June 13,
2008... Department
S |
Awesome
NES is in jeopardy... but only because
that's the subject of the latest batch of reviews. We're
looking at the three games based on the long-running game
show, along with Jackal (jackal! Jackal! It's a
jackal!) and Jackie Chan's Action Kung Fu. There's also
Jaws, which I hadn't played until fairly recently. It
reminds me of an underwater version of Friday the 13th, with a
similarly unkillable villain. On the plus side, LJN
squeezed in wannabee Galaga segments to keep the player from
succumbing to a frustration-induced aneurysm. Hey, it's
better than a sea urchin in the pants!
Also, I've updated the YouTube page with a brief VIC-20
retrospective. This was my first computer, so you can
imagine how forgiving I am of its many shortcomings.
It's got a sixteen color display, an appallingly low
resolution, less than 4K of memory (today's computers have
500,000 times that much!), and even the case is a throwback to
the dark days of disco. However, none of that matters to
me, because it had some incredibly fun games,
and it's where I learned the fundamentals of computer
programming (kind of like this
guy, except without the love and
admiration of millions of nerds).
And while I'm on a VIC kick, I might as well share this
with you:
Thanks to a pretty darned awesome shareware
program called FontCreator, I was able to whip up this custom
font, based on the VIC-20's typeset. Sharp-eyed gamers
will also recognize it from classics
like Castlevania: Symphony of the Night and River
City Ransom. The design is still pretty early- some
letters aren't properly spaced- but I'm really impressed with
how it looks so far. You're free to download it, but if
you like it, I'd really appreciate a PayPal donation sent to
mneko13 (at) yahoo (dot) com.
[EDIT: I've reposted the font, fixing most of
the errors that were present in the first build. It
should be the next best thing to typing on an actual
VIC-20 now!]
Yep, I'm totally broke. So what else is
new?
| June 10,
2008... Frame by Frame: Disney Afternoon
Debuts |
I've taken a break from Awesome NES to work on an
exciting new feature... a look back at the
late, lamented Disney
Afternoon. There are reviews of
all sixteen of the cartoons featured in this syndicated
programming block, along with artwork, trivia, and clips from
each series. If you're a member of Generation X, you'll
get a warm fuzzy feeling from this retrospective. If
you're a little younger, you'll learn how the rest of us got
by before cable television and DVD players gave the
world cartoons on demand. Either way, I'm sure
you'll enjoy
it!
| May 29,
2008... You Can Run, but You
Can't Hydlide |
There's only one game featured on Awesome NES today, but
boy is it a doozy. You remember Hydlide, right?
Yeah, I tried to blot it out of my mind, too.
However, as much as I'd like to deny its existence, I'm
obligated to relive that trauma for the sake of the
list. Don't say I never did anything for you!
I've also uploaded the second half of the Super Stupid
Fighting Game Crossovers feature. I'm pretty proud of
it, but I have a funny feeling that future videos will be even
better. See, I'd purchased a copy of Ulead's VideoStudio
several months ago, but could never get it to work.
However, after being frustrated with Wimpos Movie Maker's
limited features and constant crashing, I gave the disc
another shot. I shut down the antivirus software and
shut off the wireless adapter prior to the
installation, and that made all the difference... the annoying
codec errors that once barred my path vanished, allowing
me to experience a world of editing features I once had to do
without. You mean I can combine videos without having to
awkwardly splice them together? And I can drop titles
anywhere, even at the top of the screen? Oh,
VideoStudio, where have you been all my life?
| May 22,
2008... Misery Loves Company (also, Jack
Thompson convicted) |
First things first. Like clockwork, the Awesome
NES section of the site has been
updated. This week's victims include Heavy Barrel, Heavy
Shreddin', and Hatris, the puzzle game that's guaranteed to
make your eyelids heavy. You may also be interested to
know that the first half of the Fighter's Misery video special
Super Stupid Fighting
Game Crossovers is available on
YouTube, with a higher quality version soon to be uploaded to
Revver. I've always loved bagging on crummy fighting
games, but it's even more fun to serve up that snark in a
video!
Now onto the news... and there's a lot of it to
report! First up, every fighting game manufacturer has
gone crossover crazy! Not long after Midway confirmed a
Mortal Kombat game starring the cast of the DC Comics
Universe, Capcom announced its own team-up with Japanese
animation giant Tatsunoko. If you're
not familiar with these guys, well... neither was I.
However, a little research reveals that they were responsible
for many of the shows that were the foundation for modern
Japanese cartoons. Only four characters have been
confirmed so far, but the stars of Speed Racer, Samurai
Pizza Cats, and Neon Genesis Evangelion could all find their
way into the cast. Tatsunoko also worked on Superbook,
but I think we can count out the possibility
of beating the tar out of bible thumpin' wind-up
robots...
Also, Joystiq reports that
anti-fun activist Jack Thompson was found guilty
of twenty-seven counts of abusing his position as a
lawyer. Unsurprisingly, nearly all of these were related
to his ongoing crusade against video games. There's no
news yet on how he'll be punished, but considering all the
headaches he's been giving the Florida Bar
Association over the last three years, it's likely
that it will go well beyond the scolding and minimal
fines he's received in the past.
What else we got? Well, Madden's taking a step back
to the past with a holographic image mode that looks like
Tron, or more accurately, those cheesy intros they used to
show at the start of televised football games in the early
1980s. If you like your sports stars glowing and
featureless, it might be worth a look. There's also an
Oddworld game planned for the next decade, with technology
that will make its creepy yet strangely endearing characters
look more realistic... or should I say more
surrealistic? An increasingly fastidious Microsoft plans
to unrelease any Xbox Live games which haven't
been bringing home the bacon and winning over the critics,
while Nintendo seems intent on releasing anything on the
WiiWare service, reviewers be damned.
So in other words, it's been a weird week.
| May 19,
2008... Crossbow
Capers |
I was indifferent about them in the past, but these days,
I've grown to appreciate the accessibility and
the visceral satisfaction of light gun games.
There's no level building, no cryptic puzzles, and no
emphasis on a storyline that was probably more
interesting to the developers than the player. You just
point, shoot, and watch your onscreen target burst into a
million pieces. Sometimes you have to hold your
fire when friendly characters appear, but that's as
complicated as these games get... and I prefer them that
way.
With this in mind, it probably won't be a surprise that I
enjoyed Link's Crossbow Training. This game, offered as
a bonus with Nintendo's space-age redesign of the Zapper, was
actually more entertaining to me than the official Zelda that
launched with the Wii back in 2006. All the fat and even
most of the meat has been trimmed away from Twlight
Princess, leaving behind an handful of challenges that
test your speed and accuracy with the Zapper (or even better,
Nyko's smaller, more realistic, and easier to assemble
Perfect Shot).
Each stage is split into three sections, with a different
setting and goal for each one. Sometimes, you'll be
frozen in place as you blast targets, and other times, you'll
lead Link on a hunt for goblin barbarians or
even-creepier-than-usual spiders. Whatever the scenario,
the objective remains the same... hit onscreen targets while
keeping friendly fire to a minimum. Oh, and there's one
other thing: you can't miss. Individual targets have a
low base value, but a bonus multiplier builds with each
successful hit. That multiplier drops back to one if you
miss, forcing you to hit targets cleanly and
consistently if you hope to earn medals and unlock new
stages.
And that's really all there is to it. Like most Wii
games, Link's Crossbow Training is a brief and
simple diversion, but as a child of the 1980s, I don't
see a problem with that. When I was growing up,
every game was like that, and it certainly didn't
hurt their appeal. If anything, those titles from days
past were more entertaining because you could get your
fill in ten minutes, pull yourself away from the table, and
come back to them later with your hunger renewed.
Today's games have turned into that famous scene from Monty
Python and the Meaning of Life. You get your fill an
hour after you start playing, but there's so much left on your
plate that you can't stop until long after your taste buds
have deadened and your engorged belly has spilled over the
table. Then the snooty waiter comes by with the after
dinner mint and it's game over!
All right, enough Luddistic babble from me. Before I
go, have an Awesome NES update! In
fact, have two! We're reviewing
everything from classic shooters like Gradius and The Guardian
Legend to oddities like the R.O.B.-powered Gyromite and
Gumshoe, the side-scrolling platformer that you control
with a light gun. If you're having trouble
imagining such a game, just pretend that Mario was replaced
with Ringo Starr, and that you had to shoot him to make
him do anything. That should put you on the
right track.
| May 13,
2008... Skate, Minus the "Or Die" Part (also,
Wii Ware begins) |
The animation section was long
overdue for some new content, as well as a new layout.
Fortunately, I've rectified both issues, and went one step
further by adding commentary to some of the older
reviews. If you love cartoons, and I suspect that you
do, I highly recommend you give the page a peek.
Now onto the video games! While shopping for the
Playstation 2 version of Soul Calibur 2 (it's going to
be prominently featured in the upcoming crossover
special), I was able to give the Playstation 3 version of
Skate a quick spin. I heard that the game was a
departure from the Tony Hawk series, but I didn't realize just
HOW different it would be from Activision's long-running
extreme sports series.
Playing Skate was like trying to learn to ride a bike all
over again. Instead of simple button presses, you've got
to use the two thumbsticks in concert to control both your
skater and his board. It's more complicated than Tony
Hawk, yet also more intuitive. Somehow, flicking the
right thumbstick down, then up to jump just makes sense.
I had the chance to buy Skate several months ago, but
passed because I wasn't sure I'd be able to adapt to a new
control scheme. Now I'm starting to regret that
decision. As much as the media would like you to believe
otherwise, Skate is not a Tony Hawk killer. It covers
the same ground, but does it in such a completely different
way that both games can exist harmoniously. It's
entirely possible to enjoy them both, although I suspect that
it will take a lot more work to master Skate.
While I was out, I also picked up a copy of Link's Crossbow
Training (sans the ugly-ass "Zapper" that was originally
packaged with it) and Zack and Wiki, that celebrated sleeper
hit which stands out as one of the best games in the otherwise
lackluster Wii software library. I haven't tried either
game yet, but I'm itching to break out Link's Crossbow
Training just to put that long-neglected Perfect Shot
through its paces.
Monday's debut of the Wii Ware channel will give me yet
another excuse to rouse my system from its lengthy
hibernation. A lot of the games look
disconcertingly amateur, like Pop and
Defend the Castle, but I'd be willing to take a
chance on Lost Winds, and the Final Fantasy spin-off
looks surprisingly gorgeous for such a small download.
Too bad it's a territorial development simulation, rather than
the overhead view action that people have come to expect from
Crystal Chronicles...
All right, that's enough outta me. Before I go, have
an Awesome
NES update! This time, the two
Ghostbusters games are the topic of discussion, along with
Ghengis Khan, Ghosts 'n Goblins, and the frankly puzzling
Gilligan's Island. Who the heck thought this would be a
great subject for a video game, anyway? It wasn't even
a good television show! The biggest laugh I
got from this stupid sitcom was when half its cast was
arrested for smoking dope.
| May 9,
2008... Back in the
Tube |
Yikes! I completely forgot to update Awesome
NES yesterday. Oh well, better
late than never, right? This time, we're marching into
battle with G.I. Joe and its sequel, then taking to the skies
with the arcade classic Galaga and the less famous but still
reasonably entertaining Galaxy 5000.
As promised earlier, I'm also dipping my toe into the
YouTube scene after a three month hiatus. Here's a preview of my next
feature, which should be finished sometime next week.
| May 4,
2008... Video Killed the Internet
Star |
Just a friendly reminder, folks... even when I don't have
anything to say on the front page, I'm still updating Awesome
NES twice a week. I'm closing
out the Fs with reviews of Flying Dragon, Freedom Force, and
that crown jewel of everyone's NES collection, Friday the
13th. Conventional wisdom states that it's hard to
express sarcasm on the Internet, but I'm pretty sure that bit
of snark came through loud and clear...
Now that I'm out of college for the summer, I'm thinking
about investing some of that newfound free time in video
reviews. It's been close to three months since I've
updated my YouTube page, and I'm getting that itch to make
more content. However, there's a possibility that I'll
shift production over to Revver. It offers superior
video quality, as well as a mature audience that's less
likely to gawk at the latest online train wrecks.
Actually, they're less likely to look at anything due
to the site's relatively small user base, but anything's
an improvement over getting a constant stream of
nasty comments claiming that I suck because I'm not
enough like that Angry Video Game Nerd jerk.
I'm getting rather bitter so I'd better end this
update. See you on Thursday... same Blitz time, same
Blitz channel!
| April 29,
2008... Bereft of
Theft |
Now that Grand Theft Auto 4 has been released, you're
probably expecting me to go on some long, obnoxious rant about
the game being exactly the same as the half dozen that
came before it, that the graphics still look clumsy
and robotic despite the next-generation polish, and that you
might as well use your empty skull as a flowerpot if you'd
even consider purchasing it.
I'm not going to do that, though. The fact is, people
are going to buy this game regardless of what I think of
it. The only thing I can do is offer an oasis from the
avalanche of Rockstar-fueled hype on other gaming sites.
To that end, I'm adding a handful of reviews to the Atari
5200 page, and working on an update to
Fighter's Misery that should be worth the (long, looooong)
wait. It's coverage that's 100% retro, and 0% Grand
Theft Auto!
| April 25,
2008... Gaming
Redefined |
There's been a lot of discussion lately about what makes a
video game a video game. Epic
Megagames is convinced that the
secret ingredient is progressively realistic
visuals. Bioware thinks that
narrative is that defining characteristic. However,
neither of those elements were important in the
early 1980's, when games first found a mainstream
audience. Back then, storyline was a quaint novelty, and
graphics were merely functional; simple icons meant to
represent concrete objects. This leads me to
ask... shouldn't the sole determining factor of
a video game be the game itself?
On a related note, I wish companies like Epic and
Bioware would spend less time trying to find ways to
invalidate the Wii as a game system and more time supporting
it. Bioware claims that the Wii isn't powerful enough to
offer a deep storyline in its games (conveniently
forgetting the Infocom adventure games that managed to do it
on far less capable hardware), and Epic doesn't even bother
with an explanation, instead cutting the Wii in half with a
chainsaw at industry events. Come on, guys. It's
been nearly two years, and the fad prediction hasn't panned
out. The Wii is the current industry leader,
and will remain that way for some time; possibly for
the remainder of the console cycle. If you want your
companies to remain financially healthy and culturally
relevant, you need to swallow your pride and hop aboard the
Wii train before it leaves you behind.
Anyway... the Awesome NES page has been
updated. This time, we're covering all the Es, ranging
from Elevator Action to Excitebike. Also, be sure to try
Eliminator Boat
Duel if you ever get the
chance! You probably missed it the first time
around, but it's never too late to see what you've been
missing!
| April 17, 2008... When
No One Was Looking, Alex Hugged the Teddy
Bear |
Dragons are the stars of the show in this installment of Awesome
NES. We've covered the first three
games in the venerable Dragon Warrior (or is it Dragon
Quest...?) series, along with Dragon Fighter, Dragon Power,
and "Smells Like" Dragon Spirit. Oh yeah, there's also
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, but you don't want that.
Speaking of the good old NES, River City Ransom is finally
being released on the American Virtual Console service, along
with the loose NES conversion of Double Dragon and the
much-maligned Renegade. I see this game get kicked
around by other gamers and I still don't understand why... it
doesn't have the impact of Technos' other Kunio games, but
it's perfectly playable and a great deal better than its
Western-designed "sequel." Target: Renegade...
yeesh!
One last thing before I go. Japanese Wii owners can
now play their favorite Virtual Console titles with a Super NES
controller, the way nature intended!
The replica controller plugs into the bottom of the Wiimote
and looks just like the real thing, without any unusually
shaped buttons (cue the picture of Hori's digital
controller for the GameCube). It's a
step in the right direction, but what I'd really like
to see is a six button Sega Genesis controller; one that could
connect to the bottom of the Wii without any pesky cables to
get in the way of the action. Throw in Thrustmaster's
mapping feature and you've got yourself the ultimate
controller for this or any other game system!
| April 10, 2008... Ice
Cold Brew |
Here's the good news. Sony is finally
aware that a homebrew community exists for
the PSP. The bad news is, they don't seem particularly
enthused about it. I'm detecting just a hint of
passive-aggressive behavior in a survey they recently
published on the Internet...
|
| Why are
you hacking your PSP? |
Disagree |
|
|
|
Agree |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| I'm an ungrateful little
punk |
o |
o |
o |
o |
o |
|
Hey, I just
wanted to be cool! |
o |
o |
o |
o |
o |
| I feast on the flesh of the
living |
o |
o |
o |
o |
o |
| I don't fear prison or anal
rape |
o |
o |
o |
o |
o |
| Voiding my warranty gets me
off |
o |
o |
o |
o |
o |
| I hate America and kick
puppies |
o |
o |
o |
o |
o |
| I'm one of those filthy DS
owners |
o |
o |
o |
o |
o | |
Don't worry, Sony! Since I bought my Asus EEE, I
haven't hacked my PSP in months! Heck, I haven't
even used it in months!
Anyway, I know what you're here for, so I'll just move out
of the way and let you sink your teeth into the latest Awesome
NES update. This time,
we're covering that game where a big, hairy ape with a
nasty temper climbs a tower. Then after the Die Hard
review, we'll spend some time with the Donkey Kong series.
| April 6, 2008... Samba
de Amiga |
Open wide, folks! Here comes another heaping helping
of Awesome
NES! This time, we've diving deep
into the Ds with a serious case of Deja Vu, as well as a
seriously watered down translation of Stargate and Demon
Sword's Kage, a serious contender for Olympic gold in the high
jump event.
After some discussion with the NES fans on Jeremy Parish's
GameSpite web site, I've
been thinking of reformatting these pages to make them a
little easier to manage. As it stands now, the sidebar
on every page has to be updated in order to keep the
layout consistent and make navigation easy for the
reader. This will be a fantastic pain in the butt when
I've cracked one hundred pages, forcing me to consider
designs that will be more convenient for both my readers and
myself.
Right now, I'm experimenting with frames. You'll
find the fruit of my labor here. The problem with
this design is that it varies wildly depending on the user's
screen resolution. There's way too much empty space on
my laptop, while a friend with a standard CRT can't seem to
fit the whole page on his screen without
scrolling. I'm trying to make the
pages more consistent, not less,
so maybe I'll pass on that idea. In all honesty,
I've never been all that crazy about frames, anyway!
So now, I'm leaning toward either cascading style sheets or
a database. I just need to find the time to learn the
latter, and build the former. Using a database would be
especially handy, as the data could be transferred to a number
of different designs with little difficulty, and would make
comprehensive searches a breeze. Need to look up a game
by its release date, or by its developer? Just pick the
desired criteria from a drop down list, hit the search
button, and that information is dropped right in your lap!
All right, enough about the NES. I've got some darned
good news about another system in my collection, the Amiga
CD32 (mine didn't come with a giant
video game playing brain... guess that was an optional
feature!). After two frustrating years of trying to
bring this console to life, I've finally roused it from its
eternal sleep with a hacked PC power supply. Sadly, I
don't have anything to play on the machine aside from a bunch
of music albums and the appropriately
named Disposable Hero.
However, even without much hands-on experience with
the CD32, I can still say that I like the system's charmingly
simple interface and its case design, a head-on collision
between classic Commodore ugly and the sleek
futuristic style of game consoles from the early
1990's. I'll probably be even more impressed with it
once I've spent some time playing its games (I mean
good games, not Disposable
Hero). |
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